The Extremely crazy adventures of Seymour
by Sammi Somara
Summary: Full title is 'The extremely crazy adventures of Seymour Guado the Stupid Head'. Basically, Seymour and his best friend Stu run around Guadosalam doing crazy stuff! -chappie 2 up-
1. Seymour Gets Drunk

The Extremely Crazy Adventures of Seymour Guado the Poop Head!

Disclaimer: I do not own FFX.

This is my first fic in this section so plz don't be too hard on me. I just thought it would be funny to make a fic all about Seymour. This is going to be SOOOOO fun to write!

Seymour sat up and yawned. He looked around before falling onto his pillow and going back to sleep. Seymour snored really loud, so it was only a matter of time until everyone in Guadosalam was awake. The snoring got louder and louder, and people started complaining about it.

Seymour awoke with a start, suddenly feeling very cold. He looked around. There was ice all over his bed, and he was completely soaked. Beside his bed was Tromell, holding an empty bucket with an extremely silly grin plastered over his face.

"TROMELL!" screamed Seymour," YOU JUST THREW A BUCKET OF ICE WATER ON MY HEAD!"

In the presence of a very angry Seymour, Tromell inched back, trembling. "I'm sorry, Maester Seymour," he whimpered," But your snoring could be heard halfway across Guadosalam. Everyone was complaining so we decided to do something about it. Well, as you can imagine, nobody wanted to get stuck with the task of waking YOU up so we drew straws. I got the short one."

Seymour got out of bed looking extremely cross, muttering something about 'stupid weirdoes' under his breath. He walked slowly downstairs and got himself a cup of coffee.

After having some coffee, Seymour was in a much better mood. Now that the fear of being blown up was gone, Tromell approached Maester Seymour.

"Sir, someone slipped this letter under the door," he said, handing Seymour a slip of paper. A smile spread across Seymour's face as he read the note. It was from his good friend Stu Pidhead.

"To my good friend Seymour,

Hey, Seymour, it's me, Stu. I was wondering if you would like to meet me at the pub today at 9:00 A.M. I'll be waiting for you outside the inn.

Sincerely,

Stu Pidhead"

Seymour's eyes lit up as he finished reading the letter and turned to Tromell.

"Tromell, I'm going out to meet my friend Stu."

With that, a very happy Seymour walked out the door.

Stu Pidhead was waiting by the inn, just as he had said he would. When Seymour walked around the corner, Stu started grinning from ear to ear.

"Hey, dude, what took you so long?" asked Stu.

"I came here as fast as I could," replied Seymour.

"Well, come on!" said Stu happily, "Let's go to the pub!"

The pub was a very noisy and dusty place, and it was the best place to go to catch up on the latest gossip. It was one of Seymour and Stu's favorite places to go. Stu always ordered too much beer and got drunk, but today, Seymour was in the mood for beer as well, and that meant trouble.

"So what's up?" asked Stu.

"Oh, nothing much," replied Seymour, "Tromell's being annoying as usual, but that's to be expected..."

"Whoa, dude, what'd he do THIS time!?" said Stu.

"He poured ice water on my head because he said my snoring could be heard halfway across Guadosalam," replied Seymour.

"Oh, so THAT'S what I heard earlier!' grinned Stu, trying to crack a lame joke.

Seymour rolled his eyes.

"HEY, I WANT MORE BEER!" Stu yelled at the waitress.

"Yeah, more beer would be nice," chimed in Seymour.

Later that morning, there were sightings of two extremely drunk Guado (obviously Seymour and Stu) dancing around in tutus singing a song that went somewhat like this:

Stu: My name is Stu Pidhead!

I never go to bed!

I stay up late,

'Cause nighttime's great!

My name is Stu Pidhead!

Seymour: My name's Seymour Guado!

People call me 'Snotto'!

I snore really loud,

And that makes me proud!

My name's Seymour Guado!

Both: We're the craziest ones here...

Seymour: 'Cause we had too much beer!

Stu: Yeah, we had too much beer!

For months after, people of all ages in Guadosalam had nightmares about what came to be known as 'The Tutu Incident'.

Well, how was it? Any type of advice to make this story better will be accepted! Or you can just review for some other reason! I won't update again until I have 5 reviews! As always, plz review!


	2. Seymour Gets A Cat

The Extremely Crazy Adventures of Seymour Guado the Stupid Head

Disclaimer: I do not own FFX.

Okay, first I would like to say one thing. Despite the title, I do NOT think that Seymour is a stupid head. I like Seymour. He's my favorite character. But then again maybe that's why it's so fun to make fun of him! Yeah I know I only have two reviews but I'm bored. And I want to write more! But I'm sure the readers are happy about it, ne? So, without further ado, I present to you CHAPTER TWO!!!

Seymour was sleeping peacefully that morning until....

"GOOD MORNING, GUADOSALAM!!!" yelled an announcer over the radio, "And to start our morning, we're going to ask you all about your favorite pet."

A few minutes later, a little girl was on the air. " I have a really nice kitty," she said, "It's all cute and purry and..."

BAM.

Seymour slammed his fist down on the radio _hard_, breaking it. With a groan he slowly rose up out of bed and made his way downstairs, where Tromell was already eating breakfast. Upon seeing a very grumpy Seymour walking toward him, Tromell attempted to strike up a conversation. "Not much of a morning person, are you?"

"Shut up, Tromell," replied Seymour crossly as he poured himself a cup of coffee.

"My, my, aren't you in a pleasant mood today," said Tromell sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

Seymour said nothing this time and sat down at the table to drink his coffee. As he drank, his mind drifted back to the little girl on the radio. Then he got to think that maybe he should get a pet.

"Tromell," he said, "I'll be out of the house today. I know it'll be hard without me around the house, but--" Seymour's speech was abruptly cut off.

"WOO-HOO!!! PAR-TAY!!!" screamed Tromell.

"Tromell, you are going to get smacked," growled Seymour.

Tromell let out a small 'meep' and shut up. Seymour angry was definitely _not_ a pretty sight. Seymour walked out the door, muttering rather, errr..._ colorful _words under his breath.

As Seymour walked to the pet shop, he noticed many people talking about him.

"Hey, isn't that one of the drunk tutu guys from yesterday?"

"Nah, that's Maester Seymour. Why would _he_ get drunk?"

"He did! I saw him dancing in the street!!!"

Suddenly, another voice rang out.

"Yo, Seymour! Whatcha doin'?"

Seymour turned around. It was his best friend, Stu Pidhead.

"Come on, let's go to the bar!!!"

" I'm sorry, Stu," replied Seymour, "But I have no desire to have another unpleasant...incident such as yesterday's."

"Makes sense," replied Stu, "But then where are you goin', dude?"

"To the pet shop," Seymour said with a smile, "Wanna come?"

"Dude, don't get a pet," warned Stu, "They, like, poop a lot and like to make little puddles in your shoes when you're not looking."

"They are alive, Stu," replied Seymour, "All living things poop. You poop. I poop. Everyone in Guadosalam poops. So it seems that pooping is not such an uncommon thing."

"BUT WHAT ABOUT THE PUDDLES, DUDE!?" yelled Stu, his eyes nearly popping out of his head.

" Whatever," said Seymour, walking away.

"WAIT FOR ME, DUDE!!!!" shouted Stu, running to catch up with Seymour, "I'M COMING TOO!!!!"

Seymour and Stu walked into the pet shop.

"Hey," said the lady at the front desk, "Weren't you those two crazy drunk guys?"

"Well," replied Seymour with a grin, "Stu here is ALWAYS drunk!!!"

"Dude, that ain't cool," said Stu, looking offended.

The lady at the front desk raised an eyebrow.

"Sadly, yes, I was drunk yesterday," said Seymour, letting out a tragic sigh.

"Oh yeah get all _dramatic_ about it, why don't ya?" muttered Stu under his breath, rolling his eyes.

"Oh, okay," said the lady with a smile, "Just wondering. So what are you looking for today.

"I want a kitty cat!" exclaimed an extremely excited Seymour, bouncing up and down.

"All right," replied the lady, "follow me."

She led the two friends into a room filled with kittens in cages. Seymour was looking at a very pretty grey one.

"How cute!" Seymour cried in delight.

"Dude I have a bad feeling about that cat," whispered Stu with a shudder.

"I will name him Fido," said Seymour happily, obviously not listening, "And he will be mine. And he will be my Fido..."

"Stop it, dude," said Stu, "You're startin' to sound like that blue fish from _Finding Nemo_."

"Isn't Fido a dog's name?" asked the lady.

"Hello, Fido..." said Seymour, still not listening, sticking a finger into the kitten's cage. Fido bit him. Seymour let out a long string of cuss words, followed by "OUCH!!! BAD Fido! Bad! Bad, bad, BAD Fido!!!"

"Maybe that ain't the right cat for you, dude..." said Stu.

"YAY!" squealed Seymour, who was already looking at another cat (this one was orange). Stu rolled his eyes.

"I shall call you 'Fido II'!" said Seymour, looking at the cat with adoration. Fido II, obviously happy with her new name, purred and rubbed against the side of the cage.

"I want to get Fido II," exclaimed Seymour, pointing to the orange tabby.

"All right, said the lady, that'll be 750 gil."

Seymour handed over 1000 gil. "Here," he said with a huge grin plastered across his face, "You can keep the change!"

As they walked out of the pet store, Stu said, "Hey, dude, maybe this wasn't such a good idea..."

Seymour, who was lovingly stroking Fido II, looked up, "Whatever do you mean?"

"What about Anima?" asked Stu, "She might kill her."

"How could Fido II kill Anima!?" laughed Seymour, "Anima's too powerful!"

"Ummmmm...Seymour, I meant that Anima might kill Fido II," said Stu, raising one eyebrow.

"Oh," said Seymour, looking quite embarrassed at not understanding what Stu had meant before. Hugging Fido II, he shouted, "DO NOT WORRY, FIDO II!!!! I WILL PROTECT YOU FROM THE MEAN AEON!!!"

At that moment, Anima appeared out of nowhere and shouted, "SEYMOUR!!! HOW DARE YOU INSULT YOUR OWN MOTHER!!!"

Seymour shrank back and said, "Sorry, Mom..."  
Anima cast Pain, but Seymour was immune to instant KO.

"Damn it!" shouted Anima, "DAMN IT ALL!!!"

Anima disappeared.

Seymour started talking baby talk to Fido II, who was still purring.

"Dude," said Stu, "You are WAY too attached to that cat."

"Am not!" cried Seymour, sticking out his tongue.

"And you still need to get cat food!" yelled Stu.

"all right," replied Seymour, "I'll drop Fido II off at my house, and then we'll go and get cat food and stuff!"

"What about Anima?" questioned Stu, raising one eyebrow.

"She's currently at Macalania Temple playing basketball with the other aeons," explained Seymour.

"I never knew aeons played basketball," said Stu in wonder, "But why basketball? Why not blitzball?"

"Anima doesn't like blitzball," replied Seymour, "Never say the word 'Blitzball' around Anima, or she might get scary."

"She already IS scary!" exclaimed Stu.

"Hey, watch it, that's my mom you're talking about!" exclaimed Seymour.

"Sorry," said Stu, staring at his feet.

"Okay, whatever," replied Seymour with a shrug, "Come on, let's go!"

Seymour slammed the door behind him. "I'M HOME!!!" he yelled.

Tromell ran up to him with a nervous grin on his face. Y-y-y-you're home?" he said nervously.

"Yes, I'm home, replied Seymour calmly.

"ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE, PARTY'S OFF!" shouted Tromell. This statement was answered by a chorus of groans.

"Tromell..." growled Seymour.

Tromell laughed nervously and questioned, "So, errrr...why are you home, anyways?"

"You must take care of Fido II," replied Seymour, handing the cat to Tromell, If anything happens to her, it's coming out of your paycheck!"

Tromell wanted to ask why in the name of Yevon the cat was called Fido II, but he decided to keep his mouth shut. It was not wise to question Seymour's decisions...at least, not to his face.

"I am leaving now," announced Seymour.

"OKAY, PEOPLES, PARTY'S BACK ON!!!" yelled Tromell, and a chorus of cheers was heard. Seymour rolled his eyes and left.

The pet shop door swung open and the lady at the front desk looked up.

"Oh, it's you again," she said, looking annoyed, "What do you want this time?"

"We need to get supplies to take care of Fido II," replied Seymour.

"All right, just get what you need, and I'll ring it up at the cash register," said the lady, trying her best to smile sweetly.

"Let's split up!" exclaimed Stu.

"All right," agreed Seymour.

"I'll get the cat litter and cat box," said Stu, "And You can get the cat food and cat toys."

"What about the collar?" asked Seymour.

"You can get that," Stu quickly replied. With that, they each ran off in opposite directions.

Seymour spent some time looking at the cat toys. Finally he decided on some catnip mice, a scratching post, and a big cat house. He also got a red collar and the best cat food available. He met up with Stu, who was carrying a self-cleaning cat box and odor eliminating cat litter. They went up to the checkout counter, where the lady ringed it all up on the cash register.

"That'll be 75,287 gil."

Seymour handed her the money and just as he was about to leave, the lady shouted, "Hey, wait, there's only 75,286 gil here!"

Seymour panicked. Where had the last gil gone? Stu's eyes were drawn to the floor. He bent over to pick something up and handed it to the lady. She smiled. Stu turned to face Seymour.

"Dude," he laughed, "You dropped one!"

Seymour and Stu went back to the house. When they got inside, loud rock music was playing and the sound of voices could be heard coming from the grand hall.

"TROMELL!!!" Seymour shouted, "WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT THROWING PARTIES WHILE I'M NOT AROUND!?"

Tromell ran up to Seymour and cried, "I'm sorry, Lord Seymour, I truly am!"

"Save the groveling for later, Tromell," replied Seymour in an annoyed tone, "Where's Fido II?"

"Where do you think?" said Tromell through gritted teeth, pointing at the floor. Seymour looked down and saw that Fido II was busy attacking Tromell's leg.

"Oh, so she thinks you're annoying, too," said Seymour calmly.

"How can you be so calm about this!?" whined Tromell, "That little demon's been trying to kill me ever since you left!"

"Fido II, get off Tromell's leg. You can kill him later," said Seymour. Fido II obeyed and Seymour continued, "Tromell, stop the party and get those crazy people out of here while Stu and I set up Fido II's stuff.

Tromell nodded and started ushering the large crowd of Guado out of the house while Seymour and Stu got all the stuff that they had bought for Fido II ready. When they were done they brought Fido II into the room. Fido II saw all the stuff that Seymour and Stu had bought for her and started to purr. Upon hearing the purring noise emanating from the small cat, Seymour instinctively picked up Fido II and began stroking her fur lovingly. Stu, seeing that Seymour and Fido II needed some 'alone time', quietly left. Seymour stayed with Fido II for the rest of the day.

There you have it. Chapter 2. Stay tuned for the next chapter, _Seymour Sings Real Loud_! And as always, plz review!


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